Msgullible's Weblog

Traipsing through my 30s


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I am what you would call, an “emotionally driven” person. If you have ever taken a Meyers-Briggs test, one of the dichotomous categories that makes up its personality portrait is whether a person is “Judging” or “Feeling.” Are you a ‘J’ or an ‘F’? Through the countless mishaps and joys peppering my life so far, I can say with fair certainty I am a “feeling” person. This is neither good nor bad thing, its just what it is. There are times though, when I react so strongly to a situation clearly based on feeling and not fact, that I can’t help but wonder what the hell I was thinking?

One day, while walking to work, I passed by a woman and what I assumed were her two kids. The older boy looked about 13-14ish and the other son looked a few years younger. Both kids looked scraggly and a bit dirty and the mother looked even worse. Staring off vacantly with her hand wrapped in a shawl and her younger son clinging to her while she walked, she looked lost. Seeing this affected me alot. I wished at that moment I could do something longstandingly (is that a word?) positive for them, especially the kids. No one, especially a young person, just starting to grasp at their place in the world, deserves a life like that. I had thoughts of quitting my job and going back to school to become a social worker, thats how stirred up I felt. I thought about it for a bit but eventually at the end of the day the idea had just drifted off (along with the strong emotion I might add).

A couple of months later, while on my morning run, I see another young kid. Probably about early teens with dark hair and looked kind of tired. He skulking around in some dirty jeans and a thin shirt at the corner of one the intersections I am waiting to cross. He kept looking at his phone and moving it around as if to somehow get better reception. My immediate reaction is: “Oh no, its that homeless kid from before! He is probably living the in park in this cold weather. He has nothing and probably cannot call anyone because his cell phone is dead! Gahhh! Why is life so unfair!?” I am not kidding. The leaps and bounds my brain is able to make is scary amazing. Outwardly, I ran past him  like the sometimes aloof adult I am, but once I got further away I was overwhelmed enough to actually start tearing up and my throat started to itch. I slowed down and managed to calm myself down but for the entire run that kid was on my mind. Was this this my newfound passion? To go out and save the kids of the world? Maybe. I kept running and at some point turned around and ran back. As I got closer to where I saw the first kid I did not see one, but two kids. More homeless teens! And they looked like they were scrounging around in the dirt, no less. Lost in my dramatic sadness I almost missed seeing a green recreational park truck parked near the side of which, an obvious adult park manager was standing nearby. The kids were using gardening tools to dig through the dirt in order to make some sort of path way. The adult was directing them on how best to clear the area and generally giving orders. I felt so….deflated after I saw that. All my energy devoted to the indignation of the existence of poor homeless kids.  I felt a little ridiculous at how quickly my emotions get a bit out of control. But in a way, I don’t mind it. I would rather be someone that has feelings and is able to empathize. I am going to at least channel that into some good towards kids (which I usually am afraid sometimes to approach because they can be intimidating!) Because of this I have started tutoring this kindergartner weekly. It has been interesting, partly because I always thought I was a generally funny person and like, not weird (though I know everyone is a little weird). But this kid keeps me on my toes. “Why did you say that?!” “Do you always wear purple?” or my favorite, “Why are you laughing?” Even so, he is a great kid, with an energy quota that simultaneously scares me (Lord help me, he makes me question Motherhood sometimes) and motivates me, chock full of mile-a-minute ideas. I am glad to be making some difference in his life, albeit a small one.


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My Grandma is BOSS

Over the weekend my grandma Jesus (yes, that is her real name) fell and broke her left leg.  I found out on Saturday after I was done with work and getting ready for a Christmas party.  It weighed heavily on my mind that I was probably going to lose her this Christmas.  At the age of 96, she is frail in mind and body.  Undergoing major surgery to repair her leg was a lot of risk.  Lately, when I go home, all I ever see her doing is eating and sleeping.  Her body is winding down.  So I was expecting the worst when I went to visit her at the hospital on Sunday.  When I grasped her hand she looked at me and said the thing she always says to me, “tus manos son frios!”  Surprise, surprise!  I guess I was assuming that if she was so weak in mind and body normally, she would be practically comatose when I saw her.  She was also loopy on pain meds which was kind of funny, since I doubt she has ever had a sip of alcohol, save for this one time she mistook free beer at a local fair for apple juice.   As I was trying to talk to her, she looked at me point blank straight to my face and told me my hair was too short and started waving her good hand around in a grand blanket gesture at everyone in the room, saying “short! Everyone’s hair is so short!”  I am simply in awe of the fact that my grandma has made it this far.  I don’t think when she was growing up in rural Peru she thought that 80 some years from now she would still be here, alive and kicking.  She is BOSS.

Grandma BOSS


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Hola Amiguitos

Hello, my fellow blogger friends, stalkers, and random people who have stumbled on this blog because wordpress has a hiccup and posts this on the “blog of the day” section.  I am back and while  I don’t really know what to blog at this very moment, I do know that I have this urge to post something, so OK! I will just go with it.  I will try to post something at a minimum quarterly basis.  Emphasis on “try.”


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Christmas comes but once a year

Christmas is a wonderful time of year.  It is the time of year I eat whatever my heart desires, be it egg nog topped with whipped cream and about 10 maraschino cherries.  Healthy eating is overrated for at least 10 glorious days.   Visited my family in the bay area this year.  I was excited to see my little (actually, not so little anymore) doppleganger cousin.

We went to the Golden Gate bridge and later to the Fort Funston (which now now has full beach access).  I had visited this beach the week before and climbed up the stairs like some bat out of hell (at the time was thinking that a brisk walk up the stairs would be good for my muscles, help the tone and shape).  That combined with  walking up and down the hills really fast to my friend’s house the next day ended up giving me left anterior quadricep tendonitis, basically tendonitis of the knee.  Standing up or sitting down caused painful twinges in my knee thus forcing me to grip desks and chairs like an old lady for balance and weight transfer.  At work and home I was compelled to take the stairs one at a time and getting in and out of the car made me feel OLD.

This is usually the place where I say some niceties about the upcoming new year, “hope” and all the trimmings.  Not going to say that this year.  I do have hope but feel at times that I bank on it too much on it and forget to live in the present; letting my hope for an better future help me through a rough patch rather than dwelling and accepting what is.  I am choosing have absolutely not expectations and will take everything as it comes.

 


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Christmas on Steroids

So on a whim I decided to go to Las Vegas for the weekend to visit my friend.  Best decision of the year.  By the time the trip rolled around I was ready for letting something loose. Big Time.  Usually this means more than my usual glass of wine with dinner and two, not one, creme brulees.  I was definitely ready for some fun.

I had a semi-early flight and my friend had to work so I had pretty much the whole day to play around the strip.  I ended up playing less than I wanted.  For some reason, probably because the last time I was there I was only 20, I thought things would be different.  Like, the whole of Las Vegas would be my oyster and I would be like Katy Perry in that one music video.  OK, maybe that is an exaggerated assumption.  But I did have the thought that I would just sit at the slot machines, sip my drink, and be satisfied.  Satisfaction eluded me, probably because I lost about 20$ in 5 minutes.  I did not feel adult at all, rather I felt kind of stupid at the waste money.  Anyways, so I just left; didn’t even cash out the $1.10 I won.  I spent the rest of the time shopping for my friends and enjoyed the views.

Later, we saw a play that literally blew me away.  It was so good that if I had just hopped on a plane back to SF, my trip would have been complete right then and there.  What was most amazing were the opening scenes.  It starts out at an auction where people are are bidding on an old music box.  An old man in a wheelchair wins the auction and begins to reminisce about the old days associated with this music box when the auctioneer abruptly informs him that it belonged to the PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.  And with a flash and boom the entire theater goes completely dark except for the bottom piece of a three tier chandelier lying on the stage, which lights up and start to hypnotically float and rotate toward us.  And by us, I literally mean the audience (my friend got us pretty sweet seats near the front).  The entire thing was rigged on ropes but it moved so smoothly you hardly noticed them.  The other two smaller pieces, attached to the wall, also start floating toward the center of the theater (right above the audience).  Eventually the three pieces were in the center and started to float and dance around each other until they fell into place to make one large chandelier and floated to the ceiling.  I could not believe something like this could just be done with ropes.  And the whole time the classic phantom theme song was playing so loud I could feel feel it thumping in my chest. Simply amazing. 

After the play we went to a club and had free entry, drinks, and dancing.  Yay for connections!  As tired as we were the next day, we tried to get into at least two brunch buffets but who would have thought everybody and their mother had the same idea.   Tip for all who visit Las Vegas: If you want to go to a buffet on a Saturday morning, get in line at 8am.  Otherwise, the only options left are small coffee shops.  After enjoying our coffee and brioche we went to a Christmas concert put on by the Las Vegas Philharmonic Symphony.  Simply amazing.  One of the phantom of the opera singers sang and it again, was simply amazing.  Did you hear that?  Have I said it enough?  Amazing.  What I liked about the concert was that they sang a couple of unusual songs like “Hard Candy Christmas” and even some Hannukah songs.  The Christmas songs were so moving I am not ashamed to admit I became teary eyed with an overwhelming sense of closeness, memories, future memories, family, and love.

Aaaaannnnndddd then we pigged ourselves out at the Cosmopolitan buffet and drinks at the Chandelier.  It was the perfect finish to an awesome weekend.


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Catch as catch can…

Soooo it has been a pretty crazy couple of months.  Its about 10 pm on a monday night right before a work audit tomorrow and I just wanted to post a little something to update.

Things I have learned:

1)  It is possible to forget how to shop for groceries.  This is especially true when you are too busy to even cook your own meals.  Last week I found myself in need food at home, yet somehow wandering aimlessly through the meat section not able to really remember any other recipes that I cooked so long ago, back when my life was manageable.

2) I can throw a killer bridal shower party.  Here is the key: Have someone bring catering…

3) Having a difficult job can have its perks.  I interviewed for another job recently and they asked me “What was the hardest thing about your current job?”  Since my job has been nothing, if not, putting out one ‘fire’ after another, I was able to give a great answer that sounded both smart and genuine

4) Looking for a new roommate is another part-time job.  Its kind of getting down to the wire, but I am praying that we find someone before December 16th.